Is my life worth living?

...copied from my original blog: purrdieyanie.multiply.com

is my life worth living?

Sep 17, '08 5:15 AM for everyone

Forgive me for this unusual entry. I know this is unlike me. (This is for a class so bear with me friends)

I have been breathing and existing in this world for 19 years and 5 months now. So far, it has been great. It was a roller caster ride. It wasn’t always easy or happy for me, like the exciting twists and turns. There were loops which made me feel like I don’t want to go on with the ride. But what the heck, I still want more even though it’s making me dizzy wondering how or when this ride will end. But for some of us, life is not exciting enough, or fair enough for them to continue. And so, they end it. They jump off the roller coaster without bidding goodbye to those they are riding with. Why do they decide to do it? I actually wonder it sometimes, especially when I hear about suicides and all that. Don’t they have any more reason to live? Isn’t their life worth living? And more importantly, is my life worth living?

Well, personally, I think my life is worth-living. I am afraid to die yet, and why is that? I am not so sure myself. But I think it’s because I have so many things planned out to do with my life, and want to finish them first. It’s like, “I have started this, I have started 19 years ago, I guess I better finish it until the end.” My life is worth living because I think each and every one of us has a purpose in life. But don’t ask me what that purpose is cause I am faaar from knowing it, my friends. All I know is that we live for a reason. If not, why live? (Oooh, maybe the suicidal ones were too patient to find out their purpose in the universe? I’m sorry, no offense to those who are… uh, dead.) But moving on, I am here to talk about my life. My worth as a person. My, my, I use big words. Consider me as an innocent child who just uses words that she thinks are smart. Anyway, I know I have a purpose. I have hunches on what are those, but no one, ever, could assure me that what I think is correct. Well my thoughts are almost the same as anybody else: to become “somebody” in the future, to be able to find love and share it, and to make a difference in this world. Big goals, I know. You can’t blame me, this is what I think. My more specific goals will perhaps come later on. Maybe one day I have this very important mission in life… but don’t we all? I remember my sister saying “I’m going to make changes in this world! Watch me!” I believe her. She said that statement when she was still a student. And now, she is a councilor in our barangay in Batangas. Indeed, she already made a difference. She had solved a number of problems and had helped a lot of people. She is taking it one step at a time. And soon we will all see that she had made a world of difference. I guess she already found her purpose, and she’s doing some actions already.

Another reason for me to live life is “exploration”. I think the world was created with such wonders that all of us should see and experience. I think my life is worth living because there is a whoooole lot more that I need to see. I have been to different places but not so many. But still I managed to see various sceneries and nice places which could really take one’s breath away…figuratively. I have seen the beauty of Australia, Hong Kong, and of course the Philippines. However, our country itself has 7,107 islands, and I am nowhere near that number. I may have only seen 7 of it? Great, 7,100 to go! But yeah, for me life is worth living because the beauty and enchantment of the world is too precious to be left behind. What else would those fantastic sceneries do? Who would they amaze if no one is there to see it because everybody chose to die? I’d rather be tired going to places than be dead and…be dead. Right?

It’s hard not to let the thought of “life’s not worth living anyway” get into us. I mean, in the first place we didn’t choose to be born or be created. Agree? So it was not our choice to have been born into the earth. And with that, it wasn’t our choice to live at all. So why continue living when in the first place we didn’t want it? Honestly when I was younger I have thought about this, because I was afraid of giving birth when the right time has come. Of course, many have said that giving birth is no party, so I got scared. I thought “I don’t want to go through it. No. I don’t.” And I traced it back to the idea that “Bakit nga ba kasi ako pinanganak e! Sana ibang tao na lang ako.” Really. It did occur to me at that young age. There were these rare times that I regret being born. These instances were the ones where I am undergoing a tough problem. Sometimes I wish I was dead, or that I’ll just die. But I didn’t take it seriously, though. The point is, there were times that I think things are only worth it because you want it. If you don’t, then don’t go after it or just completely stop. Could that apply to life itself as well? I don’t know but I hope not, because nobody chose to be born during a certain day, month, or year.

Either way, I am still happy to be living and breathing and enjoying world’s wonders. I still have the authority to answer if my life is worth living. And for me, it’s definitely worth living. I have a family who loves me, friends who I adore and are the best company, a caring and loving boyfriend, good education and a fabulous life! I believe these are enough justifications why my life is definitely worth living. And I would never, ever think of regretting it again.